The Cheapest Supply House On Earth

Track 9 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

The citizen's hat, of a very high degree of excellence
Easy on the head, maybe a windmill of galvanized steel
The management of heat is the secret of making good cheese
No better gun made, an effective cure for the scourge of the kennel
Don't buy from the retailer
We are the cheapest supply house on earth
To be thoroughly up to date you must wear one of our up to date shirts
We make them extra large to cater for the needs of very fat men
Don't buy from the retailer
We are the cheapest supply house on earth
For your own good now, don't buy from the retailer
You know we are the cheapest supply house on earth
The medical guide, instructive in the peculiarities of women
A work pure in tone, eloquent in denunciation of vice
The suit keeps him warm, and is admired by all of his neighbours
Capacious packing trunk, to supply a demand for men's smoking jackets
One horse power, for use in a barn where several horses are kept
Baptismal pants, dried fruits should not be omitted from your order

Safety in Numbers

Track 8 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

No one understands a word you say
Doesn't matter how hard you cry
You can scream out loud in a policeman's face
Or you could if you weren't so shy
Would you like some help as you tie your shoes
I could polish your unicorn
Tell me all about what you did in the war
A long time before I was born
Time is not a healer
We have to do all it all ourselves
There's no safety in numbers
When a million people care for themselves
It takes an age to drag the shopping home
And they never do the stuff you like
Everything has moved since the last time you came
Maybe they do it out of spite

Far Too Enough

Track 7 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

Alive but not warm
Been told she's too old
The second hand shop
They've already sold
Her favourite book
Her teacher despairs
So much to catch up
Expensive repairs
You're still in there somewhere
It's far too enough, far too enough
Don't touch mummy's medicine
It's far too enough, far too enough
I don't need a friend
She said with a smile
My homework is done
I travel in style
The bus never stopped
It took her too far
The pie the in the sky
Bomb under the car

The Plan

Track 6 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

While we're taking tablets
You are making magic gadgets
A box with flashing lights
It does nothing
We never read the textbooks
And you know all the buzzwords
Whatever you say next we'll agree to
Tell me what's the plan
Take the pain away
Tell me what's the plan
I'll do what you say
My mantra is secret
Your techniques came from an old book
The meditation helps me to trust you
The answer is suspect
If the answerer's a pervert
If only we'd been technically able
Reality's dawning
In the ugly comedown morning
Can friendship survive such a beating
Illusion is shattered
Without money nothing mattered
Our angels are swimming in bullshit

Trafalgar

Track 5 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

Sucking on a choc-ice
and burning in the sun
you're conversing with policemen
before the protest has begun
The skinheads flex their muscles
at the policeman from abroad
The lady with the megaphone
is going to be ignored
Angry people everywhere
Manifestos to declare
Apathetic folks beware
In Trafalgar
Buy a T-shirt of the Queen
Postcards of the things you've seen
To remind you where you've been
In Trafalgar
A Tory tells a story
about the rubbish in the streets
and how the Unions brought the country
to the brink of self-defeat
A socialist is listening
He can't believe she's got the nerve
These days we're all so greedy
and I never get what I deserve
You mustn't feed the pigeons cos they are a nuisance
but you gotta feed the children cos they are the future
So what would Nelson say about the games we play
He'd probably just take Emma up the National Gallery

Stealing All Those Cars

Track 4 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

You were in a plane crash
Now there's a story that you want to rehash
How you grew up without a mother
Until your father went and found another
She was cruel and hurt you
But you never let your courage desert you
And eventually you cornered her upstairs
And you told her to her face
You are the reason I can't be myself
And everything I do seems weird
You are the reason I had no childhood
And why I can't stop stealing all those cars
It began at playgroup
When you fed your best friend some mudsoup
They called the counsellor so you could be treated
But they eventually retired defeated
And the babysitter
Who had thing for Gary Glitter
Came to realise that working evenings
Wasn't what he had in mind
You are the reason that I am no good
And I've had trouble with rules
You are the reason I'm such a rebel
And why I can't stop stealing all those cars
What you need is closure
And a little less obscene exposure
But the papers keep throwing you money
And everybody wears less when it's sunny
It's a shame you're leaving
And it's only yourself you're deceiving
Maybe one day you'll pay back what you owe me
And maybe pigs will fly
On to your next victim
Working through the phonebook till you find him
There won't be time to form a serious friendship
Before you send him off on his first trip
And you're always blameless
Or at least you're staying safely nameless
It's all because of where you started
Somebody else's mess

Who's Controlling the World

Track 3 from the album Letters to Cyril Connolly.

People waiting in line
Because they've got time
They don't seem to mind
In fact they quite like it
Maybe they've got a plan
And when it's the time
They'll turn on each other
And look for a leader
Who set the world up this way?
I'm sorry but it was me
It's all just a game I play
Invented it all you see
Parents try to be good
But let themselves down
In front of the children
Who now have a weapon
Maybe they've got a plan
And when it's their turn
They'll right all the wrongs
And make it all better
Do you ever feel down?
Well you're not alone
It's all how I planned it
From my secret lair
Who's controlling the world? I am
I am
I am
I am
I am